O2

The Facebook Holdouts

There are still a few proud New Yorkers who resist conducting their social lives online, putting up their pictures and preferences for all the world to peruse. Herein, they explain their rationale

This article was published in the January 21, 2008, edition of The New York Observer.

“Friended” forever: Celebrities like Jimmy Fallon, Moby, Dave Eggers, Arianna Huffington and Amy Poehler have all succumbed.
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“Friended” forever: Celebrities like Jimmy Fallon, Moby, Dave Eggers, Arianna Huffington and Amy Poehler have all succumbed.

It seems that most urban sophisticates these days, from politicians and celebrities to coworkers, have a profile on Facebook, the social networking Web site. The C.I.A., I.R.S., Time Inc., even MySpace, Facebook’s ostensible competition, have job networks there. To the site’s enthusiasts—and there are many; the site has 60 million users so far, with 200 million projected by the end of the year—there is no reason not to partake.

But not all of us are signing up: clicking on that grassy-green button that allows one to join a so-called “exclusive club” in which one may receive pertinent updates of some “friend’s” baby pictures, a new veggie burger someone tried last night, and who is slinging electronic “poo” at whose profile.

“I don’t know why New Yorkers need this,” Michael Dougherty, 31, an editor at Gotham magazine, who lives on the Upper East Side, said scornfully. “I feel like New Yorkers are always being out, going out—you’re constantly meeting people. You don’t need an online site in order to meet someone. Half the time, if you’re at a party or even out on the street, you don’t even want them to talk to you, but you’ll meet people. The cabbie starts talking to you or the person on the subway starts screaming at you about religion, whatever.”

>> “Facebook This, Baby! A Fan's Harangue,” by Spencer Morgan

Cary Goldstein, 33, the director of publicity at Twelve books, is another proud Facebook holdout. “I don’t see how having hundreds or thousands of ‘friends’ is leading to any kind of substantive friendships,” he said. “The whole thing seems so weird to me. Now you really have to turn off your computer and just go out to live real life and make real connections with people that way. I don’t think it’s healthy.”

Darcy Stockton, 26, a fashion stylist who has dressed celebrities including Rosario Dawson (who, incidentally, has three Facebook profiles, all “unofficial”), also disdains the site. “I don’t think those sites are a professional way to keep up with people I find desirable to work with,” she wrote in an e-mail. “It’s about building connections and relationships the old fashioned way—word of mouth, through agents, art directors, Web sites and e-mails.” (Yes, folks—Web sites and e-mails are now considered “old-fashioned”.)

“If you have time to network through a site like that, you aren’t working enough.” Ms. Stockton said. “I just don’t have the time or the ability to keep up with yet another social networking site in my free time. I feel there’s other things and real experiences I could be having in real life instead of wasting my free time on Facebook.”

‘A HUGE PAIN IN THE *SS’

Indeed, Facebook might be the ultimate procrastination tool. Lunch hours, Sunday nights, entire weekends can be spent searching for new “friends” or tweaking a profile to portray oneself at one’s coolest.

The earliest incarnation of the site, Facemash, was created three years ago by one Mark Zuckerberg, 23, then a baby-faced Harvard sophomore, originally as a kind of Ivy League version of the once-popular Web destination Hot or Not. It featured pairings of photos of two randomly selected undergraduates, along with the suggestion that visitors vote for which one was “hotter.” Within its first four hours online, the site was visited by 450 people.

Later, Mr. Zuckerberg was brought before the college’s Administrative Board for breaching security and violating copyrights and individuals’ privacy by using students’ online photos without permission. He subsequently created the more decorous thefacebook.com, which enabled young collegians to “poke” crushes and trade tidbits about their favorite books and movies. “My goal was to help people understand what was going on in their world a little better,” Mr. Zuckerberg wrote in a Sept. 8, 2006 blog entry. “I wanted to create an environment where people could share whatever information they wanted, but also have control over whom they shared that information with.”

The site now has an open log-in and is the sixth-most-trafficked in the United States, according to a report by comScore Media Matrix, a Web tracking firm, published in the November 2007 issue of Fast Company. The same article reported that Facebook had three million users age 25 to 34, and 380,000 who were 35 to 44 (and these users are well familiar with the unsettling situation of finding out one’s middle-aged aunt is onboard). Mr. Zuckerberg, who dropped out of college, is now reportedly worth $3 billion. But the rest of us are, arguably, infinitely poorer. Next Page >

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Comments
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ridiculous (not verified) says:

Okay, I admit, part of me thinks it would be better to NOT be on facebook -- but because it's addictive, just like work e-mail is addictive, and not because I feel "the anxiety of my own mind," which is the most jackass thing I've ever heard. I am not afraid of being alone, thanks much. But I am afraid of being alone in a room where Cary Goldstein could spout his misguided theories on life to me.

Michael Doroughtey, however, cracks me up and I think got the point of this piece: a lighthearted take on something that really doesn't matter all that much.

Vicky Greenbaum (not verified) says:

Actually, Dougherty has the same problem in reverse -- he says facebook makes him feel connected, which is just as bad as goldstein. it souldn't make you feel anything. It's just fun. The problem these days, I think, is more with the ads.

Though I will say that deciding to be loyal to something once you're in it (like Dougherty) is better than going off on it because the Observer called you and you decided to have a deep thought, like the publicist.

I think Rowan Riley has is right on here.

Vicky

Hell's Kitchen Guy (not verified) says:

Totally agree with this article. I have a very active work and social life, and I don't have the time or interest in a "virtual" social life. As it is, I don't have enough time for my "real" friends!

truthbetold (not verified) says:

And yet, we're all on the internet interacting RIGHT THIS SECOND!

BlackSmith (not verified) says:

I am getting tired of New York Observer pieces on publicists, I don't care how witty they are.

Anonymous (not verified) says:

FACEBOOK and all other electronic communications should be (1) used when either necessary for business or (2) just for fun at an arm's length. An example, a very attractive, young, married person in Florida, in the sports field has been meeting people for sex over the internet for a couple of years. What none of the people realize, is the person has many sex partners every day and has a serious, if not fatal veneral disease. The person is White but like to humilate themselves by sex with Blacks. Do I have to paint more pictures? Now if any of the people involved ACTUALLY KNEW SOMETHING ABOUT WHO THEY WERE DOING WHAT WITH, maybe sexual diseases in Broward and Palm Beach Counties, Florida would not be going thru the roof!

Anonymous (not verified) says:

FACEBOOK and all other electronic communications should be (1) used when either necessary for business or (2) just for fun at an arm's length. An example, a very attractive, young, married person in Florida, in the sports field has been meeting people for sex over the internet for a couple of years. What none of the people realize, is the person has many sex partners every day and has a serious, if not fatal veneral disease. The person is White but like to humilate themselves by sex with Blacks. Do I have to paint more pictures? Now if any of the people involved ACTUALLY KNEW SOMETHING ABOUT WHO THEY WERE DOING WHAT WITH, maybe sexual diseases in Broward and Palm Beach Counties, Florida would not be going thru the roof!

thewiseking (not verified) says:

I find Facebook to be a real waste. I have no interest whatsoever in hearing about friends sending each other cute little downloadable virtual pets or playing games on their computers or hearing that some peripheral pain in the ass i never see is at home cuddling with her cat.

I prefer picking up hot looking eurotrash chicks on a Small World.

thewiseking (not verified) says:

I find Facebook to be a real waste. I have no interest whatsoever in hearing about friends sending each other cute little downloadable virtual pets or playing games on their computers or hearing that some peripheral pain in the ass i never see is at home cuddling with her cat.

I prefer picking up hot looking eurotrash chicks on a Small World.

I mean... (not verified) says:

What the hell is this article about? Why people still haven't joined "faceplant"? The cultural anthropologist (which, btw, is the coolest sounding job EVER) nailed it, when he talked about being "counter culture". NOT facebooking has become counter culture. This, I'm guessing, is what people are suppose to do in their teens/20's (being counter culture), but they give up on that (according to the cultural anthropologist) when they start freaking out about "breeding", conform, and trade in their counter culture for a spot on facebook with the rest of the kids. SO TRUE! I know a ton of people who would never have joined, but their friend were all getting married, and they freaked that they'd be single forever. A year in singleville, and they all facebooked to "get out there". These are people who swore they'd NEVER do it, but turned 29 and lost their coolness to go for breeding/nesting. p.s. I'm becoming a cultural anthropologist. How do I do that?

what i wonder is... (not verified) says:

Why is everyone ragging on the publicist? I think she has a good point. A little preachy but not so terrible. I think it's important to be alone with ones thoughts. It's how we become better people.

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