The Eight-Day Week

Pass the soy chicken wings! It’s your final election-season chance to gather with friends over beers and Super Bowl appetizers to watch the two men who would be president of the United States battle it out, and watch John McCain—as well as the moderator, and everyone in the audience—try yet again to keep a straight face when asked if Sarah Palin is qualified to be vice president at any point, never mind during a financial crisis. (Tune in to Saturday Night Live for a more realistic portrayal.) Say, how much are tickets to Toronto these days? Do they have pappardelle there?

[Presidential debate, 9 p.m., www.youdecide2008.com]

mbryan@observer.com

Leave it to Saks to get the well-polished worthies out of hiding and back into their fancy dresses (albeit ones they’ve already worn this season!) for an event for Key to the Cure, a cancer charity. Turning up to lend pulchritude to the cause: Stephanie Seymour, Blake Lively, Jane Krakowski and Blythe Danner. Later, that famed list of Stuff White People Like surely includes attending indie concerts in arcane religious structures! Two bands—TV on the Radio and the Dirtbombs (we’re going to tell our skinny musician to try out for this one!)—play  at the Brooklyn Masonic Temple. Where everyone prays for deliverance—from Sarah Palin.  read more »

Bring back the gates! After today, Olafur Eliasson’s massive Waterfalls in the East River vanish, after dipping from public discourse after being declared mildly eco-terroristic for allegedly turning some trees brown. So what better time to have that French maniac Christo bring his orange “Gates” back to Central Park, before the first snowfall! Vive les Gates!

[The Waterfalls, East River, ends today, www.nycwaterfalls.org]

mbryan@observer.com

Who wants to wrap themselves in homemade chianti-stained pappardelle and wake up on Christmas? Lidia Bastianich hits the 92nd Street Y—smack!—as fancy food soldiers on through the recession, attempting to convince people that sure, they may have sold off the Hamptons House and the Learjet, but at least they can still eat Lamb’s Brain “Francobolli” at Babbo for the comparatively cheap price of $19!

[Lidia Bastianich at the 92nd Street Y, 1395 Lexington Avenue, 7:30 p.m., www.92y.org]

mbryan@observer.com

Yoko in SoHo: If your best solution to the economic crisis is to stay heavily medicated and knee-deep in Sarah Palin YouTube clips, take a breather with a flashback to a groovy time: Yoko Ono celebrates her late husband’s 68th birthday (which was Thursday) with the largest collection of his art ever assembled, “Come Together: A Look Into John Lennon’s Career Through His Artwork,” at the Open House Gallery. Later, expensive European denim label Diesel, apparently trying to re-interest its New York customers in, you know, buying things, throws a “Rock and Roll Circus” at Pier 3 in Brooklyn, featuring fire eaters, sword swallowers, female roller derby squads (this oughta lubricate the credit cards!) and performances by hip-hop goddess du jour M.  read more »

Cookies and dream? Condé Nast’s family rag Cookie, which requires a stiff drink to get through, what with the pictures of perfect mothers and perfect spawn who probably reside in Park Slope, sneaks into your head with the eco-chic condo dream! Today they introduce a three-week show house in Battery Park City designed by über-decorator David Rockwell and other top designers. “It has a lot of green elements built into the architecture,” said Cookie home editor Kiera Coffee. (“We’ll take ours with two lumps, please!”)  “We have a three-bedroom with a living room, shared dining room area. … Of course it is very stylish and well-groomed, as it has to be for any show house.  read more »

Need something to distract yourself from the dangerously demented ditzy dingbat running around the country babbling incoherently about that fine James Garner comedy-western TV series in the early ’60s? Then belly up to the latest orgy … er, food extravaganza to hit New York: The New York City Wine & Food Festival kicks off today in the meatpacking district with stuffed celeb chefs such as Rachel Ray (who will host a burger bash in Dumbo featuring chefs from Shake Shack, Laurent Tourondel of BLT Steak and ubiquitous Boy Wonder David Chang), Tom Colicchio (who will host a ‘Big Red Meat, Big Red Wine’ dinner: Make ours a tofu!), Spanish culinary chemist Ferran Adria and naughty Brits Nigella Lawson and Gordon Ramsay.  read more »

Lehman who? The unmistakable scent of surrender in the air slows social goings-on from a stampede to a timid tiptoe, as uptown ladies bury their diamonds under shrubs in Central Park. Which brings us to today’s outdoorsy schedule: How about a concert in Bryant Park? (Yep, it’s beginning to feel very I Am Legend around here!) Young artists from the Metropolitan Opera regale what’s left of the midtown after-work crowd with soothing opera music from the upcoming Met season, which we hope is more successful than the Mets’ last season at Shea.

[Young Artists from the Met Bryant Park concert, Upper Terrace, 5:30 p.m., www.bryantpark.org]

mbryan@observer.com

Beck is back! Rock’s patron saint of oddness rides his pony into town just in time to clean out your ears after The New Yorker festival.

 [Beck at United Palace Theater, 8 p.m., 4140 Broadway, www.ticketmaster.com] 

Additional reporting by Glenna Goldis

mbryan@observer.com

Jerry Stiller’s son, Ben Stiller, the whiz responsible for Tropic Thunder—which reminded us that every 10 years or so, a movie really is worth $10.75—hosts Project A.L.S.’s star-studded gala at the Waldorf Astoria. “I will be hosting the event which I have done with varying degrees of success over the years,” Mr. Stiller told us. “We always want to keep it light, because the disease is so devastating that we don’t want to pound people over the head with it.…All of it originates from the spirit of my good friend, Jenifer Estess, who started Project A.L.S. when she was diagnosed in 1997.  read more »

That’s Dame Julie Andrews to you, pal! Our Big Cheese editor has laid in an extra crate of clotted cream for tonight’s Americans for the Arts awards honoring Dame Julie Andrews, Yoko Ono, painter du jour Kehinde Wiley and someone named J. Barry Griswell, a man who is on Forbes’ list of highest-paid CEOs. Moving on, is there a fuzzy-creature-related cause we won’t shamelessly shill for? Nope! Debbie Harry performs and Moby DJs at the “Gimme Shelter: Rock & Rescue” benefit at the Highline Ballroom, hosted by sensitive famous people including a Beastie Boy and a beastie girl—Gina Gershon—and benefiting Rational Animal and the ASPCA.  read more »

Calling Kathie Lee! It’s your last day to catch She Can’t Believe She Said That!, a clever little musical about Kathie Lee Gifford, at the New York Musical Theatre Festival. “There’s my Kathie Lee and there’s television’s Kathie Lee,” said Matt Prager, the writer and composer, an alum of South Park. “I don’t need one sort of infecting the other. The idea is to present her and let the audience decide for themselves. Who am I to pass judgment?… I like to think I’ve written the kind of musical she’d really enjoy, if it weren’t about her.”

[She Can’t Believe She Said That!, TBG Theatre, 312 West 36th Street, 1 p.m., 212-352-3101]

mbryan@observer.com

Judy Blume bubble bath! The author of that inimitable adolescent female literary touchstone Forever, which we consumed whole in fifth grade in one furtive afternoon in our bathtub, brings her erotic genius to the 92nd Street Y, where every woman born in the ’60s and ’70s turns up to pay her respects. Later, another moist clump of literati throw an Obama fund-raiser: Salman Rushdie and Jhumpa Lahiri lead a pack of urban elites attempting to raise a whopping $40,000 to squash the book-banning beauty queen and the other guy.

[Judy Blume at 92nd Street Y, 1395 Lexington Avenue, 1 p.m., www.92y.org; Writers Speak Out for Obama!, Le Poisson Rouge, 158 Bleecker, 5 p.m., www.safo2008.com]

mbryan@observer.com

Unstoppable Power Publicist Peggy Siegal screens again! Martin Scorsese and Gay Talese turn up for Gomorrah, the requisite Oscar-season mob movie, directed by Matteo Garrone, who afterward repairs to Osteria del Circo with Mr. Talese and Goodfellas writer Nick Pileggi to discuss why so many Americans enjoy gratuitously violent films set to soundtracks of expletives. (You’ll find us in the theater playing Rachel Getting Married!) And as long as we have our thinking caps on, why not stop fighting the return of The New Yorker Festival, kicking off today with deep intellectual discourse and a voter registration drive (sexy)! The magazine burps forth  read more »

“The sex scenes are a little bit weird,” said Ann Liv Young of her new show at the Kitchen, The Bagwell in Me, in which she portrays not only George and Martha Washington but one of their slaves. (The forward march of theater stops for no Wall Street meltdown!) “I tried to find nitty-gritty dirt, but no one wants to write that about George Washington, so you have to make it up,” she said. (Can we interest you in the vice presidency?) She called her play “hyperdramatic, hypercheesy. I have to think old, Southern, fake British accent.” (Think Madonna, late country estate period.  read more »

Whew! How about that September? The month didn’t exactly go off as planned, did it? Luckily we have leafy October on deck, during which we will attempt as a civilization to wake up from the surreal dreamscape of Lehman Brothers imploding while an Alaskan beauty queen—albeit one protected from witches—auditions for the vice presidency. So let’s celebrate a return to normalcy with Steve McQueen’s first wife’s cabaret show, a song-and-dance about the New York of yesteryear, before glass mega-towers, mortgage-backed securities and Pinkberry, when she met her late husband. “I was coming out of dance class in Carnegie Hall and instead of turning right as usual I wanted to go to the health food store for carrot juice.  read more »

News hunk Brian Williams, chef monk Tom Colicchio and croon punk Harry Connick Jr. are expected to attend tonight’s Autism Speaks to Wall Street gala (at least someone is still speaking to Wall Street!) at Cipriani Wall Street, which we hear is now making a bid for new business from Staten Island.

[Autism Speaks to Wall Street, Cipriani Wall Street, 55 Wall Street, 212-252-8584]

Additional reporting by Glenna Goldis

mbryan@observer.com

We need heros and we’ll even take one from the earnest, naïve late ’90s: Ben Folds plays at Terminal 5, providing a reprieve for those of us getting by on Klonopin and vodka until November. (Note to self: Flights to Toronto leave J.F.K. daily.)

[Ben Folds at Terminal 5, 610 West 56th Street, 7 p.m., www.ticketmaster.com]

mbryan@observer.com

Call all ho-ho-hos! Todd Komarnicki, producer and screenwriter best known for instant Will Ferrell classic Elf, reads at the Half King, writer Sebastian Junger’s watering hole for vaguely hot book editors who are several years out of Harvard and prematurely line their pockets with Cialis to be sure they don’t blink when face to face with dewy 24-year-old publishing house assistants who blog about female-empowering porn.

[Todd Komarnicki at the Half King, 505 West 23rd Street, 7 p.m., 212-462-4300]

mbryan@observer.com

Bubba hits the Y! Lock up your strudel! Our favorite Casanova, Bill Clinton, rides his pony down from Harlem to 92nd Street to minister to the Democrats on his recent not-so-subtle theme, “Why John McCain Would Make A Mighty Fine President,” oops, “The Business of Giving in the 21st Century.” And in related events: friendly sex-toy emporium Babeland throws itself a 15th birthday party—which somehow sounds all wrong and NBC’s Predator-y, no? “Sex has proven to be recession-proof over the past 15 years,” said Pamela Doan, a rep for the store. “Kind of perfect timing for the things going on in New York right now.  read more »

Before you cry into your Balenciaga bag, remove your fake “smart glasses” and put them on your face and stagger through the Lit Crawl, imported from San Francisco, naturally, where co-curator Suzanne Russo told us “it’s so big that we make maps and you see people walking around the Mission District with them. Hopefully soon we’ll have people crawling all over New York carrying lit maps.” Wouldn’t that be something! Three neighborhoods—the Lower East Side, East Village and Williamsburg, shockingly—participate in this extravaganza of booze and prose, staging five or six readings at once, helping “a young crowd, late 20s and early 30s, the intellectual types,” according to Ms.  read more »

Can’t afford your shrink anymore? Drown sorrows in kooky short films at Tropfest 2008, which bills itself as the “world’s largest short film festival,” taking place at the World Financial Center Plaza—ouch. Sexy Billy Crudup and cerebral Malcolm Gladwell are among the celebrity judges, the latter taking a break from preparations for his no-doubt starring role in the New Yorker Festival! “Short films are a great way to discover new talent and they are easy and fun to watch,” e-mailed another celeb judge, actress Radha Mitchell, co-star with Ally Sheedy of every straight girl’s favorite lesbian movie, High Art. She also noted that “the festival has launched the careers of many filmmakers in Australia.” Gettin’ a wee chilly for shrimps on the barbie, alas.

[TropFest New York 2008, World Financial Center Plaza, 5 p.m., www.tropfest.com/NY]

mbryan@observer.com

At least there’s one thing you and dear ole Republican, war-vet dad can agree on: Willie Nelson! Tonight the world’s greatest living argument for marijuana plays Radio City Music Hall, a place that could frankly use him. Later, if you can’t save your 401(k), at least save some puppies! “As far as I’m concerned some of the best pet owners in the world are New York City pet owners,” said Joel Silverman, Hollywood dog trainer and Animal Planet star, who trained the dogs for “every Iams commercial that you’ve seen in the last 10 years,” he told us. “Then there’s a movie called A Good Year with Russell Crowe.  read more »

Up the Tater Tots! O.K., fine, we’ve been indulging just a wee bit of creative-class schadenfreude as Wall Street squirms and flails over there across the river, taking New York’s unsuspecting town car and strip club businesses with it and all but dashing our hopes of finding that hot, sensitive hedge-funder who plays guitar on the side (at this point he’s probably sold his guitar to buy frozen dinners). Hey, buddies! Welcome to poverty! Need some affordable restaurant recommendations? Which reminds us, did anyone else think those rosy-cheeked analysts just looked a little too well-rested walking out of Lehman with their boxes? Isn’t banking supposed to be, like, hard? (Or was all this just a public relations stunt? Were they waiters and waitresses hired in a last-minute ploy to seduce a buyer with their analysts’ pulchritude?) Luckily, we still have some rich people left, like Suzie and Bruce Kovner and Mercedes and Sid Bass, who tonight
carry on the quaint traditions of the vanishing upper classes by chairing—big breath—Carnegie Hall’s 118th Gala Opening Night at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in Glamorous New York City, which launches a citywide Leonard Bernstein Festival.  read more »

The New Kids on the Block persist in jamming their “comeback” down our throats with a show at Nassau Coliseum—not like we’d go, but still, we’re bothered. Stop reminding us of third grade, when we had New Kids on the Block trading cards and a mild case of the jitters. …

[New Kids on the Block, Nassau Coliseum, 7:30 p.m.]

mbryan@observer.com

“The travel industry has its issues, but people are not going to stop traveling,” e-mailed Condé Nast Traveler editor in chief Klara Glowczewska—gesundheit!—explaining her glossy’s World Savers Congress, which honors tourist operations that are trying to do good in their respective countries, rather than perpetuate our international image as fanny-packers. Ms. Glowczewska will be joined by delicious Queen Rania of Jordan, former CNT cover subject Ashley Judd and omnipresent poverty eradicator and Bono ally Jeffrey Sachs. We’d suggest seeing if they can borrow that wax figure of Bono for tonight’s centerpiece.

[World Savers Congress, Gotham Hall, 7:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., invite only]

mbryan@observer.com

Fresh on the heels of maniac Modine’s rant, Christopher Hitchens debates Catholic priest Monsignor Lorenzo Albacete, author of God at the Ritz: Attraction to Infinity. Just in case Hitchens hits the sauce and gets feisty, they’ve installed two burly moderators, Newsweek’s Jon Meacham and The Washington Post’s Sally Quinn, who knows a thing or two about massaging male egos. Meanwhile, the late legendary editor Clay Felker is memorialized by Gail Sheehy, Lesley Stahl, Gloria Steinem, Tom Wolfe, David Frost and others at the Society for Ethical Culture.

[Christopher Hitchens and Lorenzo Albacete, the Pierre, 2 East 61st Street, noon, 610-941-4029; Clay Felker Memorial Celebration, 2 West 64th Street, 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.;]

mbryan@observer.com

Wall Street may be wobbly, but ya still gotta eat! Eric Ripert of Le Bernardin joins Copland House for “Paris After Dark,” an ambitious feast during which cultural gourmands will nibble foie gras while partaking of a “musical buffet” of Gershwin, Virgil Thomson, Philip Glass and others, all performed live. C’est magnifique! Guest of honor is Rosamond Bernier, glamorous founder of the French journal L’Oeil and a former Paris editor of Vogue. And in other culinary happenings, BFFs Mario Batali and Gwyneth Paltrow celebrate the premiere of Spain … On the Road Again, a PBS series in which they star with Times food writer Mark Bittman and Spanish actress Claudia Bassols… but heck, meet them later at the Spotted Pig! And buy a condo on your way! In another example of how we at The Observer want to make your life—yours!—easier, the newspaper hosts a Condo Showcase today in which 50 condo buildings from all neighborhoods strut their stuff while you sip Starbucks and realize you’ve finally outgrown your milk-crate-furnished fifth floor walk-up.  read more »

“What is the name of that great play about the newsroom … it’s called Front Page. I think they’ve made it into a movie a couple times. That’s how the civilian has the image in their mind of what it’s like to work in your world. You know, breaking news! Everybody fighting about what the headline’s going to be!” This was Matthew Modine, who called us up—oh, did he ever—to talk about the first annual “Bicycle for a Day” at South Street Seaport, an event he devised to keep people away from their cars. “When I first moved to New York”—in 1978—  read more »

Charlize Theron’s perpetual boyfriend, Stuart Townsend—they’re one of those enlightened couples who don’t believe in, you know, the patriarchal institution of marriage—opens Battle in Seattle, a feature film starring … Charlize Theron! Shazam! Also starring Ray Liotta, Woody Harrelson (swoon!) and Andre 3000 of OutKast. Yep, you’ll find us in the Twizzlers line.

[Battle in Seattle, www.fandango.com]

mbryan@observer.com

Mon Dieu! Bernard Henri-Levy, who has done almost as much for male cleavage as he has for philosophy, brings his lusty, overheated Frenchness to the 92nd Street Y to give the gals a whiff, while downtown at Skylight Studios, Kevin Bacon—officially the skinniest man in New York—entertains the crowd with his rock band at benefit for City Harvest hosted by va-va-va-v-Uma Thurman, Harrison Ford, Rachael Ray and Le Bernardin chef Eric Ripert. Next up gossipuese Liz Smith hosts her annual Fete de Swifty, a fund-raiser for the Family Justice Initiative of the Mayor’s Fund to Advance New York City. Honorary chairs include underwear innovator Calvin Klein, whose global mega-brand is now designed by someone else.  read more »

As we barrel toward October, suffering debilitating lust for a Paddington Bear coat we saw in the window of Searle and speaking of bears, just asking: Would we be in this mess if it was called Lehman Sisters? And speaking of more bears (oh my!), the Alaskan kind, The Washington Post’s Sally Quinn moderates a chat at the Museum of Jewish Heritage, billed as “an interfaith discussion about religion and the presidential campaign,” i.e., a juicy bitchfest about Sarah Palin. Later, gloriously named Princess Yasmin Aga Khan, daughter of Rita Hayworth and international playboy diplomat Aly Khan (we’ve said it before—today’s young Hollywood dopes really need to branch out!), honors her late mother with the  read more »

You remember Amy Sohn, who wrote that terrific—and very dirty!—New York Press column about scrumping various meaty males she bumped into around this wicked town? Tonight she’s staying (fully) clothed, alas, to host “Authors for Obama: A Reading to Benefit Obama” at—where else!—the Happy Ending Lounge. Among those attending are writers Jonathan Lethem, Colson Whitehead, Meg Wolitzer, and Bruce Jay Friedman. Expect a lubricious discussion of Todd Palin’s irrepressible hotness.

[Authors for Obama, Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome Street, 212-334-9676]

mbryan@observer.com

Now that the CondÉ Nast fleet of town cars is cooling its heels, might be a good time to have a wee chat about … eating disorders. Magazine writers Jonathan Darman and Louisa Thomas invite you to fete Going Hungry: Writers on Desire, Self-Denial, and Overcoming Anorexia, edited by Kate Taylor and featuring essays by, among others, Salinger’s onetime snuggle-pup, Joyce Maynard. And speaking of food! It’s time for New Yorkers for Children Fall Gala, harbinger of socialite parties to come as the weather turns colder. Who made the co-chair list? Oscar de la Renta; pubic hair entrepreneur Nancy Jarecki and husband Andrew; mysterious Greeks Dayssi and Paul Kanavos; mogul Jeff Zucker and wife Caryn … The task of entertaining this tightly stretched crowd falls to Jimmy Fallon and “special guest” Mariska Hargitay, star of some TV show or other … Friday Night Lights, anyone?

[Going Hungry book party, 55 White Street, Apt.  read more »

While Rocco DiSprito tries to tap-dance his way into American living rooms, his former toque-topped peers huddle at the International Chefs Congress at the Park Avenue Armory, holed up for three days discussing pressing culinary matters, and more importantly, cooking for each other (hot!); expected are Blue Hill’s Dan Barber, Daniel Boulud—who recently thrust open the doors to a newly redesigned Daniel—Wylie Dufresne of WD-50, beleaguered Sam Mason of Tailor, Grant Achatz of Alinea in Chicago. … Can anyone lend us a man who can cook? Just for one night? Well, maybe two …

[StarChefs.com International Chefs Congress, Park Avenue Armory, September 14 to 16, 212-966-3775]

mbryan@observer.com

If you thought Fashion Week was a vile display of narcissism, catfights, and bitch slaps, wait till you get a dose of the Brooklyn Book Festival! Towering, tufted tweedy-birds—such as Jonathans Lethem and Franzen, Dorothy Allison, Joan Didion, Richard Price, A. M. Homes, and Russell Banks—somehow got suckered into hauling their tired asses out of bed on a Sunday for this bash, where they compete for your attention with glam acts like Cecily von Ziegesar, creator of Gossip Girl! Robert Silvers, estimable editor of The New York Review of Books—we bet Updike reads it on the can!—hosts a panel “on the election and the future,” he told us.  read more »

After the trauma of Fashion Week, let’s pile on the crazy with a “faux drag party” at the Stonewall Inn, which we can only assume is a party hosted by women pretending to be men pretending to be women? This shindig caught our attention with its call, via press release, for “Faux Queens … and the gay men trapped in your vagina.” Ours is called Benjamin.

[Victoria party, Stonewall Inn, 53 Christopher Street, 10 p.m., www.victoriaparty.org]

mbryan@observer.com

Fashion Week clomps to a close with zee big hitters: Vera Wang, Zac Posen, and Calvin Klein—fresh off the brand’s celeb-stuffed bash under the High Line—and look, what’s this, now someone’s trying to co-opt Fashion Week for their own charitable purposes? Denim label G-Star throws a party with wee sprite actor Alan Cumming and kind-of actress Heather Graham to pump the United Nations Millennium Campaign, which aims to, bless its heart, eliminate world poverty by 2015. Well, we will do our part by eliminating our own poverty by then (with a high-end espresso shop in Wyoming!) Later, after all this talk of fashion shmashion and politics, you can be forgiven for craving … booze! Theatrical whippersnapper Kyle Bradstreet has penned “a one-man show, it’s a piece about a guy named Jack who’s in his mid-20s, a lost wandering soul trying to figure out what  read more »

Chick named Wick on high Boyle since 9/11! Tribeca based writer-director Wickham Boyle opens Calling: An Opera of Forgiveness, an autobiographical account of her family’s trauma in 2001. “After the night of 9/11, when I got my kids out of school, it’s three in the morning and there are tanks in the street, I sat down and I started writing,” Ms. Boyle said, adding: “I have lived on North Moore Street since 1977. Here I am a million years later living on the epicenter of chic and cool.” Ellen Stewart, La MaMa’s director, “gave us this time slot not even knowing what it was about.  read more »

It’s not even Thanksgiving and next spring’s fashion has us beggin’ for mercy—and a burrito! We will not relinquish our flip-flops for a platform dominatrix-inspired stiletto concoction foisted upon us by some 23-year-old 110-pound male designer in Converse sneakers! Domino, meanwhile, fetes the imminent end of all this misplaced sartorialism with a Fashion Week cocktail party at contributing editor Alison Sarofim’s lust-inducing West Village digs, attracting a crowd of party-crashers such as actress Elizabeth Banks; Queer Eye vet Thom Filicia; designers Chris Benz, Peter Som, and Alberta Ferretti; and towering socialites Olivia Chantecaille and Annelise Peterson. (Will Aaron Eckhart show up again this year?) Then Vanity Fair fashion director Michael Roberts opens a photo exhibit at photographer Mark Seliger’s 401 Projects, “Shot in Sicily” (clever!), and signs copies of the accompanying book for all those aspiring editorial assistants.  read more »

Are you fashionable yet? While heavy-hitters Michael Kors and Oscar de la Renta show under the tents (don’t get too excited, reality TV fans, the Project Runway show—yes, a runway show about a TV show about runway shows—isn’t till Friday!), do-gooders at the Ghetto Film School (not that we don’t consider our Diane von Furstenberg jacket to be born of a profound concern for mankind …) host the school’s Public Film Screening, at which they will award scholarships to student filmmakers chosen by judges Spike Jonze (formerly the better half of Sofia Coppola, now dating Michelle Williams, and he directs movies, too!), Jim Jarmusch (Coffee and Cigarettes), David O.  read more »

Fashionistas begin to wish they’d meet a rich husband already so they could quit that demanding market editor job and move to Connecticut to procreate, while designers continue to serve up a stream of lukewarm shmatte, punctuated by high points like Monique Lhuillier’s bridal creations (our therapist would positively forbid this), Betsey Johnson’s whimsical theatrics (your guess is as good as ours!) and men’s wear star Thom Browne’s freakish, Emperor’s-New-Clothes-ish visions, which have lately included trousers for two (men, that is), painted-on black eyes, and skirts! Later, our fastidious Mayor Michael Bloomberg gets a once-over with the lint brush and then skedaddles downtown to a “Notes of Hope” dinner for the  read more »

We interrupt news of spring’s invigorating color palette (Marc Jacobs shows tonight! Expect aging rockers, drag queens, Posh Spice and a flurry of breathless post-event accounts on the Interweb!) to bring you news of Ed Koch, the boisterous former New York mayor, at the 92nd Street Y in conversation with NY1 correspondent Budd Mishkin. Topic: his recent tome, The Koch Papers: My Fight Against Anti-Semitism. If only he had fought corruption as passionately when he was in office!

[Marc Jacobs show, Lexington Avenue Armory, 9 p.m., invite only; Ed Koch at the 92nd Street Y, Lexington Avenue at 92nd Street, 8 p.m., www.92y.org]

mbryan@observer.com

Sick of Fashion Week yet? We’re just getting started, suckas! Up today: fashion insider Patrick Robinson, a Vogue staffer by marriage, unveils his latest threads for the Gap; ageless sartorial doyenne Diane von Furstenberg shows at the tents; and William Rast—this would be the aforementioned Justin Timberlake fashion brand; yes, the world is a violent, senseless place—fetes its “collection” with a party at the Roseland Ballroom featuring Erin Wasson, the pulchritudinous model currently starring in its ads. (Does Jessica Biel know about this? Not Erin Wasson, but the fashion line?) Later, Calvin Klein hosts a much-hyped anniversary bash under the High Line, one we trust will feature as many oiled-up male models flexing in tighty-whities as last season. Boing!

[Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, www.mbfashionweek.com for schedule, invite only; William Rast After-Party, Roseland Ballroom, 9 p.m., invite only; Calvin Klein party, the High Line, 8 p.m., invite only]

mbryan@observer.com

Weekend shmeekend! Lacoste fans, accustomed to sailing on the Chesapeake at this hour, will have no problem with the label’s 10 a.m. fashion show start time; Charlotte Ronson, twin of Lindsay Lohan’s nightlife-lovin’, fedora-favoring girlfriend, Samantha, opts for a more sensible, hangover-friendly 2 p.m. And in not entirely unrelated news, take an extra Xanax this morning: The Brick Theater’s New York Clown Theatre Festival kicks off with the Clown Subway Parade, featuring hundreds of clowns storming our subway system at the Union Square stop, where they will alight for—where else—Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg, handing out red clown noses and injecting sheer terror into your evening commute. 

[Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, www.mbfashionweek.com for schedule, invite only; New York Clown Theatre Festival, Union Square, 4:30 p.m., www.bricktheater.com]

mbryan@observer.com

And they’re off! Town cars grind 42nd Street to a halt, and the autumn air fills with Eau de Cologne, envy and self-loathing, as everyone who still cares about sack dresses and stilettos makes haste to runway shows by Katie Lee Joel’s BFF Yigal Azroel, mall clothier BCBG and man-meat clothier Rag & Bone (designed by two smoldering, straight Brits; there’s hope for fashion after all!), before making a perfunctory stop at Condé Nast’s annual top-40 extravaganza, Fashion Rocks, at Radio City, where they will attempt to avoid the drunk, wandering hands of ad salesmen who have been watching too much Mad Men… Later, aspiring comedians  head to the Friars Club to compete for a chance to roast that pretty boy Matt Lauer during the club’s annual roast in October, where there are sure to be many quips about Mr.  read more »

And speaking of the N.R.A.! It’s